How to discipline a Toddler
Disciplining toddlers: when temper tantrums get out of hand.
When we feel like our connection to our child has broken down because they won’t listen to a word we are saying then it most probably has. The problem is that when our children are out of control then we are most probably beyond our realms of understanding what is going on and react with loss of control ourselves. This creates a truly vicious cycle. We end up exhausted, frustrated and extremely short fused but guess what, so does our child!
The truth is, this cycle did not begin with the child being out of control and throwing temper tantrums but started way before that. Having said that we need to take into consideration that a child’s development is characterized by tantrums at the age around two. According to the child’s temperament their frustration levels vary immensely and as their level of understanding just cannot grasp any abstract concepts or explanations, tantrums are one way to deal with them.
So when do tantrums require attention and point into a communication breakdown? The answer is usually when we as parents cannot deal or handle toddler temper tantrums any longer. When we start losing control as a parent. Why? Because then we teach our children exactly the set of behaviours that we actually are trying to stop in our children. But children learn the best around this age by modeling.
The child trusts you and you start screaming and shouting and showing your own signs of being out of control, what are you telling your child is an acceptable behaviour to do when frustrated?
The trick to this parenting dilemma is to resource oneself, learn about the world of a two year old and beyond and give them guidance, safe boundaries and choice to explore their world. What they truly need to learn is to trust your guidance and to make their own choices (within our set boundaries).
I never like the phrase ‘disciplining kids’ because discipline implies punishment for gaining control or enforcement of obedience. Dictionaries don’t generally mention the world relationship in its definition. Yet, what we are working on is a relationship because that is, I assume, the reason why we had our children in the first place. What joy would there be in parenting otherwise?
However, if we are working to building trust and our children trust us as their guardians then this trust implies that they accept our authority as a parent. But they can only trust and accept our authority if they can be certain that we show the ability to understand their world and communicate age appropriately. They must be sure that we are there to guide and to enlarge their understanding of the world, others and themselves.
So who are we ultimately disciplining? Our toddlers or ourselves? There are many books and resources for parents to be found on how to deal with toddler temper tantrums and one day we will have many more recommendations on this site. But I truly believe that understanding how to learn the art of age appropriate communication with your child is a very important step.
Chris Thompson has developed an instant downloadable audio program about how to communicate to your child entitled Talking to Toddlers: Dealing with the terrible twos and beyond. This might be your beginning in learning about how to communicate to your toddler and being heard accordingly. It has an absolute solid psychological base and is full of ideas, examples and explanations of how your child is comprehending what is communicated and how you can increase the quality of your relationship just by changing your communication style.
Chris also offers a 100% money back guarantee so there is really nothing to lose only to win. And if you can see through all the sales talk, you will actually find a lot of value in his product.
All the best on your journey,
Halka
How to discipline your child video:
Toddler Discipline: The Power of Firm Love. This article gives you some more insights into set rules and structures of parenting with ‘firm love’.
Disciplining Toddlers is all about creating a safe playground for your toddler to grow physically and emotionally. The trick to a good and trustworthy relationship is consistency. And yet, this is the hardest thing to do.
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